Intentional

For those who don't know me, I am sarcastic. I say things that I probably shouldn't say out loud. And I do so many times without regard to those around me. After I say them, I may or may not realize my words could be misunderstood or hurtful. Please know that when I do realize it, I am remorseful. If I have said something to you that was hurtful, I apologize. It is never my intent to be hurtful. I am working on this.

I am also definitely not the person you want advice from. It would include the words "suck it up" and "stop whining". Harsh, I know. I apologize. Things in my past have shaped this state of mind. It's a survival tactic for me. However, I do pray. I never know what to say to you, but I know what to say in my prayers. My prayers are intentional and thought out. I have no problems asking big things for you. (1 Kings 8:56-60) So if I know you, please know you have been and will continue to be in my prayers. If you have requested prayer, I have prayed and continue to pray for you. Now let's pray I learn tactfulness when I speak out loud. It will require many diligent prayer warriors like you and a miracle. :-) I am ready to take the next steps to be a better friend to you and to show God's love to everyone I encounter no matter the circumstance. I do not promise, however, that I will not be sarcastic anymore. But I do promise to think before I talk. I hope to be intentional about what I say and my words will show God's love for you.

Back from Hiatus

I'm Back

Yes, I realize it's been OVER A YEAR since I have blogged. Ok, almost two years but let's just move on from that. The good news is, nothing has changed. As a matter of fact, God is still convicting me to blog. So that definitely has not changed. Every day when I hear that voice to sit down and type something, I always question it. Why? Why am I suppose to be doing this? I hate to talk about myself and I hate others knowing what is going on in my life. I let very few people in so this opens up a can worms I don't think should be opened. And yet here I am blogging again. I hope you find some meaning from it or feel comforted by it. 

Type A Moms, This is For You (please do not be offended, I am one of you)

This past weekend I had the honor of attending the Women's Retreat hosted by the women's ministry at my church. It was a wonderful weekend filled with God loving women learning more about the importance of the Sabbath and why we should rest. And while I do not want to diminish what was said at the retreat or what God says about the Sabbath, that is not the message I heard. Because I am Type A I am able to organize, get things done, and carve out time for family. Because I am a rule follower, if God says I need to rest because it's designed for our good and joy, I will rest. I enjoy the fruits of my labor. I am thankful to God that He has helped me accomplish many things and have the ability to enjoy a Sabbath. The message I heard was a reinforcement that I need Him daily and it is only because of Him I am at place where I can enjoy a Sabbath day. It is only because of Him and His grace that I make it through any given day. Believe me, if He wasn't a part of my life I may or may not "strangle" my husband or child daily. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit that intervenes to allow my child to be the messy self she is.

Exhibit A: The Holy Spirit Exists

This is Sass's room right now at this moment. Do you see that towel on the floor? I asked her three times to pick that up! I have no idea where the comforter for her bed is or why she has no pillow cases on her pillows. Open drawers, clothes on the floor, and broken crayons. This drives me BANANAS! 

Exhibit B: Only Because of the Holy Spirit Sass Lives

Exhibit B was taken almost two ago. This was Sass's room February 18, 2013. I know this because that is what the properties of picture tells me. Please do not ask me why I have this picture. I think it justifies why I am crazy, but that is for another blog post and I don't want to get off topic. Can you see a pattern here? Towel on the floor... crazy mess! Yet Sass is ok with it. She knows where everything is even though her room is constantly messy. But I will give her props for keeping it absolutely clean for at least 30 minutes a week and the mess has dwindled over the years. Exhibit A and Exhibit B is a trial for me on a daily basis. So as I sat and listened to the guest speaker at the retreat I was reminded of a verse in my favorite book of the Bible, James 1: 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James has a wonderful way of reinforcing the rules (my favorite because I am a rule follower) while intertwining the Old Testament with the New Testament. This book always has answers for me. So when James says to have pure joy whenever I face trials, I said "What?!?! "Really James, pure joy?!?" "God, why can't Sass just pick up that towel?!?" Through that questioning God hasn't changed Sass, but He has changed me. In true God fashion, He reminded me that in fact it was me. Having pure joy doesn't mean being happy, it means having an attitude change. Yes, her room still drives me CRAZY! Crazy, I tell ya! But it doesn't steal my joy. I remind myself that soon enough I will want to see her messy room daily when she is off at college. Or I will want to trip on her shoes in the middle of the floor when she is living on her own. I try to make a conscious effort to enjoy the time we have together when I help her clean up that messy room.


So what am I saying? I am saying there is no pretending here. I do not want you to think that this Type A person always has it together. That I am always organized, all tasks always get done, and my home is always immaculate. This is a difficult balance for me. This weekend I learned that many of the other ladies around me feel exactly the same and I took comfort in that. I think they also took comfort in knowing that I don't have it together all the time either. I am writing this with a thankful heart and praise to Him. In the midst of Exhibit A and Exhibit B, I know I can count on Him for all daily provisions to get me through it. To all the ladies at the retreat and especially to the ladies I sat at a table with, I pray you find pure joy in the trials (your "thorns and thistles" your "hostile environments") you are struggling with right now that prevent you from enjoying a Sabbath day. I pray that you are able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. To enjoy your God and what He has helped you accomplish so far. This is just the beginning and I am glad I am on this ride with you. 

You may also be asking yourself "how can I find pure joy when my trial is much worse or more terrible than yours?" And while your trial may look very differently from mine (or what I am allowing you to know), it is not beyond God's reach or abilities. Please know I am praying for you. "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10-13) Bring your trials to Jesus. He will bring you the rest you need, for His yoke is easy and His burden light. (Matthew 11: 28-30)

Counting Carbs

I'll just say it. Counting carbs is hard! To a person who constantly craves carbs, this is torture. Well not exactly torture, but you get the idea. I have been reading The PCOS Diet Plan: A Natural Approach to Health for Women with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome to help myself with this lifestyle change and to be honest it has not helped. Yes, it has good and useful information. Yes, what the book says makes sense: eat lean meats, eat more protein, eat high fiber grains, eat three balanced meals with two snacks in between. I eat very little of foods that are processed. Each piece of food I bring into my home has nutritional value. I have been blessed to be able to have this option. But it doesn't tell you how to fight the carb cravings. It's a lifestyle change, even when you have been eating healthy all along. I didn't realize how many carbs I eat in general. Whole grain pasta, brown rice, popcorn, whole grain cereal, whole grain bread, oatmeal. All these healthy foods packed with carbs. Good carbs to boot! Yet, I still must limit the amount I eat.  So if you are having the same problem, I feel ya. I am right there right now. Actually I am fighting the urge to just go ahead and eat another piece of whole grain toast with peanut butter. Sounds harmless, but I have had my limit on carbs for the morning. Sheesh!

Calculating How Many Carbs to Eat

So how many carbs should you eat? This is where I get geeky because I love math and science and this is where they converge nicely. To determine how many carbs you should eat in a day you first need to determine your basic metabolic rate or how many calories you need in day to just maintain your life - breathing, digestion, circulatory functions, etc. Without bombarding you with a ton a math, go to MyFitnessPal and input your information and it will calculate it for you. For me, that number is 1211 calories per day. This is where it gets fun! Take that number and multiply it by an activity factor to account for any activity you do during the day (remember the number you just determined is the amount of calories you need to maintain your life and does not account for anything else).

• Light Activity (normal running around + maybe a walk/run here & there) - Basic Metabolic Rate x 1.375
• Moderate Activity (exercising 3 to 5 times a week) - Basic Metabolic Rate x 1.55
• Vigorous Activity (exercising 6 to 7 times a week) - Basic Metabolic Rate x  1.725
• Extreme Activity (training intensely 6+ times per week) - Basic Metabolic Rate x 1.9

For me, I fall into the moderate activity. So my calculation looks like this:

1211 calories x 1.55 = 1877.05 calories per day

This new number means that I can eat 1877 calories per day and still stay the same weight. It accounts for maintaining body functions and activity I do in a day. Now if you want to lose weight, the book suggests to cut calories by 20% so that your brain thinks you're still getting food and will not put your body into famine mode. My calculation looks like this:

1877 calories - 20% (375.4) = 1501.6 or 1502 calories per day

But it doesn't stop there; we're not done with math yet. The book also suggests that 45% of your calories should come from carbs. This is what my calculation looks like:

1502 calories x 45% = 675.5 or 676 calories from carbs

Because there are 4 calories per 1 gram of carb, divide the number of calories from carbs by 4. My calculation looks like this:

676 calories/4 = 169 grams of carbs per day

Ideally, you should divide the amount of grams of carbs per day into three meals and two snacks. So this means I should eat 48g of carbs per meal (48x3=144) and 12.5g of carbs per snack (12.5x2=25). This is why I am still moody! This is not enough carbs for a carb addict like me. I need more!

There is hope right?

I believe there is always hope. My body should eventually get accustomed to a lower intake of carbs. I eat more foods high in fiber to maintain a more stable blood sugar. I remind myself why I am doing this. I am thankful that I have this problem. It makes me more aware of how blessed I really am and more thankful everyday for the blessings I do have. I hope it helps you too to know that I struggle daily with something that I shouldn't have to. Whatever you are struggling with, know that you have hope too. I pray for all of you reading this. I pray you hear what God is telling you now.

As You Ponder and Pray

One of the many blessing I have is a husband with a green thumb. This past weekend he clipped mustard greens from the garden and made a yummy pot of what I call Better Than Your Grandma's Greens. His grandmother made the best greens! And now you and I get to eat them too. The Husband says the best part of his grandmother's greens was her putting the leafy greens into the washing machine to wash them off because she had so many. He thought this was the coolest thing she did when he was a kid that he now does it in my washing machine. Yes, The Husband puts his greens in the washing machine also to wash them off because he has so many. It is something I must overlook and not mention because it truly brings him great joy to do this. I do not suggest you try this too but if you do, The Husband does not recommend putting them in the spin cycle. Please be forewarned about the spin cycle and greens; I have lived this and it was not pretty. But do try to make this recipe for greens.

Thankful

It may help to know that I don't always have it together. I have a "to-do" list a mile long and I wasted most of my morning not having accomplished anything on it. Knowing that I need to get something accomplished this morning, I get on the treadmill and run. Just do it and get on with my day so I can at least check exercise off my list. I am not sure about you, but that is when God chooses to talk to me. Probably because He knows that I will be still enough during that time to actually hear Him. My thoughts tend to wander during prayer.

 

 (I pinned this on Pinterest long ago and cannot find its original source.)

Like usual, I get on the treadmill and remind myself why I am doing this. I mean really, I don't enjoy exercise much less running. And then I begin to throw myself a pity party because I have no choice but to exercise. I feel helpless. My family's diet now revolves around what I can and can't eat and I think they may be ready to revolt. And despite my best efforts of cutting carbs, adding more fiber and protein to my diet and exercising at least 5 days a week I still feel tired and have crazy hormonal imbalances. So why am I doing this?!? Then God reminds me of a blog post from a new friend I read a few weeks back at Love One More. In the post she states "All I could think about were the Moms who have nothing to feed their kids. The moms who would be proud and would love to offer their family a home cooked meal of rice and beans." So I begin to pray and cry. I am ever so thankful that I have the tools and resources to put a hot meal on the table every night for my family. I am thankful that I struggle with what nutritious foods to line my pantry and fill my refrigerator with. But I am even more thankful for this syndrome. It has humbled me. It has forced me to put my pride aside. It has opened my eyes to be more aware of others and how I can somehow help them. So as I plan meals for my family, I will include rice and beans. It has everything necessary to make a complete filling meal - carbs, fiber and protein. As you ponder whether to make the recipe I have posted, pray for those who can only offer their family this meal.

PCOS and Insulin Resistance

My Disclaimer

Ok, stay with me when reading this post. I tend to get very geeky when is comes to how the body works. I love it! It all makes sense to me and when something is wrong I tend to look for the most natural approach to healing. Also please keep in mind I am not a doctor or have any other credential that would qualify me to make many of the statements that I will make, but I think knowledge is power. I read a lot. I have a degree in chemistry. I continually read medical articles, pharmacy journals, and use my knowledge of  body chemistry and physiology to come to my conclusions.

What's Going on With My Body?

God knew what He was doing when making man and He gave us every thing we need to maintain our bodies properly. Somewhere along the way we have messed up His perfect creation. Those with insulin resistance more than likely have been genetically predispositioned for it. Some where in your DNA there is probably a small piece that is coded to tell your body at some point to make it harder for insulin to do its job properly. Your body needs insulin to properly utilize glucose for energy and stores excess glucose as glycogen for a later day so that you don't fall over and pass out when you haven't eaten in a while. It's a natural body defense mechanism to help man through famine. However, when the insulin in your body can't work properly it can't properly use glucose for energy and can't store excess glucose for energy later. So what's happening? You eat a carbohydrate filled meal and about an hour later your body has digested it and now glucose roams free in your blood. This signals the pancreas to release insulin so that the muscles in your body can use it for energy. But the insulin is not able to unlock the key on the muscle doors to let the glucose in. The muscles are resisting insulin. It says "too bad, so sad you don't fit in the key hole." So the pancreas responds by sending more insulin. Eventually, and hopefully, the muscles will be bombarded with insulin that it now has no choice to let the insulin unlock the key to let the glucose in. Sadly after having the pancreas work overtime for long periods of time releasing more insulin than it should, the pancreas will give up and just stop working. It says "I have worked too hard and now I am done!" This is when diabetes and other metabolic syndromes begin to occur in which you have no choice but to take medication to help. 

How it Affects Fertility

So how does this relate to PCOS you say? While the muscles and other organs in your body may be resistant to insulin, the ovaries are not. The ovaries are very sensitive to the effects of insulin. This results in cysts in the ovaries and a change in lady hormones. Now your body is not able to ovulate and not able to get rid of the uterine lining properly monthly because the change in hormone levels are not there. No wonder you're always moody!

My Answer to This Syndrome

Your muscles have no glucose for energy and you have no glycogen reserves for a rainy day. This results in lack of energy and hypoglycemia. I wondered why I always had to eat 20 times a day and I never leave the house without a snack for fear I will be somewhere and pass out. Seriously. I get severely hypoglycemic begin to sweat and see spots. It all makes sense now. It's not too late though. Yes this condition is chronic. Yes I will always be insulin resistant. But there is hope. God in His amazing way knew this some day may happen. He created an escape clause. That escape clause is exercise. When you exercise, it makes the muscles in your body less resistant to insulin. I think your muscles get too tired to say no to insulin and lets the insulin do its job properly. This doesn't mean I can still eat high carb meals though. Along with exercise I try to eat a sensible diet. My diet includes food that would not increase my glucose levels so much that it would require larger amounts of insulin. Remember, I don't want my pancreas to give up so I try not to over work it.

You Can Do This Too!

Sure, diet and exercise. That's easy, right?!? Well for some one with this condition it's really not. You are constantly craving carbs. Constantly! You're body needs energy so it's telling you give me some. You have no glucose in your muscles for energy so now you're tired. And if you do exercise your muscles do not have enough energy reserves so you feel like passing out. It's hard. I know. But you have to do it. I will drink a smoothy with added protein or eat a protein bar before I exercise. I also tend to have a partner with me. This makes it easier to get out and exercise and I have someone to carry me home or call 911 if I do pass out.If this sounds like you, please mention it to your doctor. Let me know, and I will gladly talk with you about it and pray with you. If you want to read more about insulin resistance I suggest staring here. http://diabetes.niddk.nih.gov/dm/pubs/insulinresistance/ It is easy to read and offers useful information about the condition.

After Much Prayer

I started this blog just a little over a year ago because that is what God asked me to do. However, I hadn't figured out what I was suppose to blog about. So after much prayer I think I have finally figured it out. But first a little background information for those who don't know me.

I have been married for ten years to my wonderful husband who I will lovingly refer to as 'The Husband.' I have a sassy and very energetic daughter who we lovingly call 'Sass.' She is truly a miracle and a blessing from God. I live an ordinary blessed life by any means and want to share how God can work in anyone's life if you let Him in. My prayer for this blog is that it will be seasoned with salt opening up doors for His message in your life. (Col 4:2-6)

So why am I blogging? The last few years I have struggled with fertility. There, I finally said it. I also struggle with brain fog, depression and lack of energy. The Husband and I always said if God wants us to have more children He will bless us with more. I cried and questioned Him daily. I resented anyone who asked me if I wanted more children or when we would have another child. The worst was being told "oh, well she's an only child." In my mind I knew they did not mean harm with their questions or words, but my heart ached each time because it just reminded me that I did want more children but it hadn't happened. It wasn't until other symptoms with my menstrual cycle began to manifest that I began to seek medical answers. After many blood tests, ultrasounds, and possible surgery was I finally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. Finally having a diagnosis brought clarity. I now know that my brain fog, lack of energy and my bouts with depression were due to this syndrome. Most importantly, I now know why I haven't been able to get pregnant and that Sass is a miracle in the midst of my ordinary life.

As I navigate through this new journey, my main goal is to learn more about this syndrome and to bring awareness to it. Many women go undiagnosed, which can lead to Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, endometrial cancer, fat accumulation on the liver, and infertility. There is hope though. Management of the syndrome is simple with diet and exercise. But when the syndrome causes lack of energy and depression, it seems daunting. With God's help and the support of my family, I know I can manage this.

MayDay MayDay

I am not sure why I have chosen to blog because letting people in, much less possible strangers, into my very sheltered world is very out of character for me. However, I have been feeling very convicted to step out of my comfort zone and do something more with the life that I have. While I don't know exactly what I am suppose to do just yet, I feel that creating a blog and letting others into my sheltered life is a place to start. I am an ordinary wife, mother, and friend with failures and inadequacies that have keenly made me aware that I need God to help me overcome them. I pray this blog will show how I TRY to live a very frugal but fulfilling life and how I try to say yes to God's assignment for me daily. I have no idea where God may be taking this ship, but I am prepared to go where it goes. And when my failures or inadequacy has taken me off His path, I know I can cry out "mayday mayday" to get me back on track.