Intentional

For those who don't know me, I am sarcastic. I say things that I probably shouldn't say out loud. And I do so many times without regard to those around me. After I say them, I may or may not realize my words could be misunderstood or hurtful. Please know that when I do realize it, I am remorseful. If I have said something to you that was hurtful, I apologize. It is never my intent to be hurtful. I am working on this.

I am also definitely not the person you want advice from. It would include the words "suck it up" and "stop whining". Harsh, I know. I apologize. Things in my past have shaped this state of mind. It's a survival tactic for me. However, I do pray. I never know what to say to you, but I know what to say in my prayers. My prayers are intentional and thought out. I have no problems asking big things for you. (1 Kings 8:56-60) So if I know you, please know you have been and will continue to be in my prayers. If you have requested prayer, I have prayed and continue to pray for you. Now let's pray I learn tactfulness when I speak out loud. It will require many diligent prayer warriors like you and a miracle. :-) I am ready to take the next steps to be a better friend to you and to show God's love to everyone I encounter no matter the circumstance. I do not promise, however, that I will not be sarcastic anymore. But I do promise to think before I talk. I hope to be intentional about what I say and my words will show God's love for you.

Back from Hiatus

I'm Back

Yes, I realize it's been OVER A YEAR since I have blogged. Ok, almost two years but let's just move on from that. The good news is, nothing has changed. As a matter of fact, God is still convicting me to blog. So that definitely has not changed. Every day when I hear that voice to sit down and type something, I always question it. Why? Why am I suppose to be doing this? I hate to talk about myself and I hate others knowing what is going on in my life. I let very few people in so this opens up a can worms I don't think should be opened. And yet here I am blogging again. I hope you find some meaning from it or feel comforted by it. 

Type A Moms, This is For You (please do not be offended, I am one of you)

This past weekend I had the honor of attending the Women's Retreat hosted by the women's ministry at my church. It was a wonderful weekend filled with God loving women learning more about the importance of the Sabbath and why we should rest. And while I do not want to diminish what was said at the retreat or what God says about the Sabbath, that is not the message I heard. Because I am Type A I am able to organize, get things done, and carve out time for family. Because I am a rule follower, if God says I need to rest because it's designed for our good and joy, I will rest. I enjoy the fruits of my labor. I am thankful to God that He has helped me accomplish many things and have the ability to enjoy a Sabbath. The message I heard was a reinforcement that I need Him daily and it is only because of Him I am at place where I can enjoy a Sabbath day. It is only because of Him and His grace that I make it through any given day. Believe me, if He wasn't a part of my life I may or may not "strangle" my husband or child daily. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit that intervenes to allow my child to be the messy self she is.

Exhibit A: The Holy Spirit Exists

This is Sass's room right now at this moment. Do you see that towel on the floor? I asked her three times to pick that up! I have no idea where the comforter for her bed is or why she has no pillow cases on her pillows. Open drawers, clothes on the floor, and broken crayons. This drives me BANANAS! 

Exhibit B: Only Because of the Holy Spirit Sass Lives

Exhibit B was taken almost two ago. This was Sass's room February 18, 2013. I know this because that is what the properties of picture tells me. Please do not ask me why I have this picture. I think it justifies why I am crazy, but that is for another blog post and I don't want to get off topic. Can you see a pattern here? Towel on the floor... crazy mess! Yet Sass is ok with it. She knows where everything is even though her room is constantly messy. But I will give her props for keeping it absolutely clean for at least 30 minutes a week and the mess has dwindled over the years. Exhibit A and Exhibit B is a trial for me on a daily basis. So as I sat and listened to the guest speaker at the retreat I was reminded of a verse in my favorite book of the Bible, James 1: 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James has a wonderful way of reinforcing the rules (my favorite because I am a rule follower) while intertwining the Old Testament with the New Testament. This book always has answers for me. So when James says to have pure joy whenever I face trials, I said "What?!?! "Really James, pure joy?!?" "God, why can't Sass just pick up that towel?!?" Through that questioning God hasn't changed Sass, but He has changed me. In true God fashion, He reminded me that in fact it was me. Having pure joy doesn't mean being happy, it means having an attitude change. Yes, her room still drives me CRAZY! Crazy, I tell ya! But it doesn't steal my joy. I remind myself that soon enough I will want to see her messy room daily when she is off at college. Or I will want to trip on her shoes in the middle of the floor when she is living on her own. I try to make a conscious effort to enjoy the time we have together when I help her clean up that messy room.


So what am I saying? I am saying there is no pretending here. I do not want you to think that this Type A person always has it together. That I am always organized, all tasks always get done, and my home is always immaculate. This is a difficult balance for me. This weekend I learned that many of the other ladies around me feel exactly the same and I took comfort in that. I think they also took comfort in knowing that I don't have it together all the time either. I am writing this with a thankful heart and praise to Him. In the midst of Exhibit A and Exhibit B, I know I can count on Him for all daily provisions to get me through it. To all the ladies at the retreat and especially to the ladies I sat at a table with, I pray you find pure joy in the trials (your "thorns and thistles" your "hostile environments") you are struggling with right now that prevent you from enjoying a Sabbath day. I pray that you are able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. To enjoy your God and what He has helped you accomplish so far. This is just the beginning and I am glad I am on this ride with you. 

You may also be asking yourself "how can I find pure joy when my trial is much worse or more terrible than yours?" And while your trial may look very differently from mine (or what I am allowing you to know), it is not beyond God's reach or abilities. Please know I am praying for you. "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10-13) Bring your trials to Jesus. He will bring you the rest you need, for His yoke is easy and His burden light. (Matthew 11: 28-30)